Hell Hath No Fury Like A Wizard Driver
by Reiko Katsura
Summary: Severus Snape didn't care if it was only a bloody cat... it was still going to pay. A ficlet, drabble, and limerick all about Snarry. HP/SS Slash.


**Title: **Hell Hath No Fury Like A Wizard Driver

**Author: **Reiko Katsura

**Pairing:** Harry/Snape

**A/N: **These were actually written for the **Snarry Opening Games**, but I forgot to post them, so I'm doing it now. The set includes a 500 word ficlet, a 100 word drabble, and a 50 word limerick (poem). There was also a drawble involved, but I obviously can't post it here (don't worry, it wasn't any good). These are all very silly, but I hope you like them anyway!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, Severus Snape, or JKR's Wizarding World. No copyright infringement intended.

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**..Love.**

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**Title: **Hell Hath No Fury Like A Wizard Driver

**Thing/Place/Action: **Three-Legged Cat, Muggle Cinema | Car, Singing | Reclining, Shouting

**Rating/Warnings:** T- For mention of sex and animal abuse. Oh, and crack.

Harry Potter and his lover, Severus Snape, had been driving home from a muggle cinema when something flashed in front of their car. Harry screamed, and clung onto Severus as he pressed his foot hastily onto the breaks and tried to stop. The car swerved, but thankfully stopped right before it hit a tree. The lovers sat there, panting heavily, and staring out onto the dark road before them.

"W-what was that?" Harry asked tentatively.

Severus opened his mouth to answer, but stopped when he heard the sound of singing. They looked at each other, and stepped out of the car quickly. The source of the singing was sitting in front of the car, reclining its back.

"Severus… don't tell me…" Harry started, but found that he couldn't continue the thought.

Severus nodded, and stared at the figure on the floor incredulously.

It was a cat. A three-legged cat. A three legged _singing_ cat.

And it had almost caused Severus's brand new Ashton Martin to crash into a tree.

Snape was angry.

Feeling the murderous intent emitting from his lover, Harry snatched onto Severus's robe and reeled him to his side.

"Don't, Severus," he chastised his former professor, "it's already injured. Plus, it's illegal for you to hurt an animal."

Severus snarled, "In what world?" he demanded.

"The muggle world, for starters."

"Right," he grit his teeth, angrily. He didn't like the muggle world. In fact he hated it. The only thing worthwhile thing that muggles created was vehicles.

Like the 50,000 galleon worth vehicle that the damned crippled cat nearly cost him.

Oh yes, Severus Snape was _very_ angry.

He grudgingly pulled Harry into the car, and waited for the man to buckle in his seat belt. He pushed his smooth black hair—because Harry forced him to wash his hair on a weekly basis, the cretin— behind his ears, fixed his mirrors, and started the engine. Before Harry could even ask what Snape was going to do, Severus stepped on the petal and drove.

There was a crunching sound, and a shrieking yowl, but Snape didn't look back. He forced back a grin so that it simply looked like a smirk and absolutely refused to look at Harry, who he knew was probably staring at him in horror.

"Y-y-y-you! Oh Merlin, Severus, you ran over the cat!"

Severus snorted indifferently.

"I told you not to hurt it!" Harry shouted.

Snape turned to him, his eyes steady, and corrected his young, caring lover. "And I didn't," he said slowly, before he turned his gaze back to the road in front of them, "I killed it."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Harry gaping at him.

"You're…you're _evil_!"

Snape sighed. "Are you quite done, Harry?"

The rest of the ride was spent with Harry grumbling about cat-killing lunatics, and Snape wondering if Harry would still have sex with him that night—that, and whether there was blood on his precious, new car.

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**Title: **489 Galleons Short  
**Thing/Place/Action: **Naughty Picture | Street Corner | Choking, Walking  
**Rating/Warnings: **T—For naughty intentions and prostitute!Snape

"How much?"

Harry Potter had been walking down Knocturn Alley, only slightly drunk from hanging out with his friends, when he saw the sexiest, most lewd man he'd ever seen hanging at the street corner. Now, despite what most thought about him, he wasn't innocent—he knew perfectly well what a prostitute was, having paid for one before.

"For you," the man with sexy, greasy hair and black eyes, purred, "500 galleons."

Harry cursed. He was only 489 galleons short.

"How much for a naughty picture, then?"

The man looked at him, coughed, and shook his head.

Harry sighed, dejected.

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**Title: **Nudist  
**Thing/Place/Action: **Moldy Fruit, Naughty Picture | Muggle Cinema | Washing, Coughing  
**Rating/Warnings: **T—for mention of sexy nudity and uncontrollable body reactions

A moldy fruit sat on the table Harry was washing,

When Severus walked in the kitchen, he started coughing,

"What are you wearing" he gasped, the feel of a rising erection,

Harry looked like a naughty picture; porn in muggle cinema; Perfection.

He smiled, wiggled his arse, and said- "Nothing."

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**A/N: **Hee. These were really fun to write. I hope everyone enjoyed them. Comments are welcome :)


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